This is my apology. I’m sure you’ll never read it. You never deserved getting involved with a cruel man like me.

I had been just dumped. He destroyed my world. I’d never thought I feel loved again. But there you were; not that I could ever love you. Not that I could ever like you. You were head-over-heels in love after I met you. I could tell, and that was the only reason I stayed around. I was desperate for love, so your obsessive, crushed love was perfect.

I took you out. The entire night I pretended you were him. He was the one complimenting me, the one who was hanging on my every word. I let you kiss me, but I fantasied  that those were his lips. I think I even convinced myself that you smelled like tobacco and whiskey. However, you never could be him.

You were not a bad person though. I found you unattractive, boring and uninteresting, but  the truth is that you were simply not my type. I didn’t hate you because you were you. I hated you because you were not him. I hated you because you tried to be him. You tried to encroach on my idea of him, and I was never going to forgive that.

You had no chance; you were too young and too innocent. I was always going to destroy you, always going to crush you underfoot. And I did. It was perverse how much I enjoyed it. I enjoyed ripping the heart from you chest because I though it made me more like him. I was emulating the man who broke my heart by breaking another heart. The day you said you loved me, was the only day I felt guilty for using you. I remembered how he lied to me and told me he was in love. So I ended you.

I apologize for everything. I knew from the start—you were never going to stand a chance.


One thought on “I’ve been a cruel man.

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