I’m a predator, a monster. I exist solely to prey on the weak members of the herd. I only seek to gratify my own weak ego. I need to sate my desire for recognition, and the easiest way to do that is to exploit those who are weaker.
Perhaps I’m being to hard on myself. I’m referring to an incident at a party the other night. I was fairly drunk and lonely; an earlier conversation i’d had reminded me of an ex, so I was pretty bummed out. A plucky foreigner (the eponymous “Australia”) came out and started chatting me up. It quickly turned into a flirtatious account and I went in for a makeout session. It was ok—not one of those encounters that need to happen more than once. He wanted to go home with me, but I wasn’t super interested in sex. I’m pretty picky and he wasn’t my type. I went home and didn’t think anything more about it. No harm, no foul. However, the universe is never so kind.
The next day I got a friend request from Australia on Facebook. I accepted, but I shouldn’t of. It was clear to me that he wanted to continue on where we had left off. I didn’t have the strength to inform him that he was the subject of a drive-by makeout.
I’ve never been much good at rejecting people. I’m an asshole, but I do have my weak spots. I’ve been rejected myself, so I know how it sits in a heart. I often find myself acting too gingerly in these cases because I don’t want to cause that kind of pain. However, because I err on the side of caution, these boys think that they have a chance, or that I’m actively pursuing them. Nobody should be lead on like that. It isn’t fair to them and it isn’t fair to me. I need to learn how to be tougher in these cases. I need to learn to say no. And mean it.